Wednesday, September 21, 2011

I Deserve It!

Repeat after me…….  I deserve it!!  Why do I always forget I don’t need permission from anybody to make time for me…… I now know it’s a bad habit that I learned by watching and imitating from other family members while I was growing up.  They even have a name for it now, its called Co-dependency.  While I didn’t have most of the characteristics of a co-dependent person, I had enough of them that messed with my growing up and messed with my adulthood.  I came from a very dysfunctional family and I became a survivor when I was very young.  I developed behaviors that helped me get thru life by denying, ignoring and avoiding difficult emotions.  I was an expert at being able to stuff everything away into a little compartment and close the lid and not have to deal with it.   I have worked on fixing myself over the years.  I still have a few bad behaviors that I’m working on now.  That’s where the 13 steps come into play. To help me fix the few that are left.  I fixed my problem I had with  my tendency to “love” people I could pity and rescue, I fixed my problem with doing more than my share all of the time, (now I only do what “I want to do”, no more “wonder woman” for me, I know how to say no to someone with a smile on my face and have no regrets), I fixed my problem with doing anything to hold onto a bad relationship because I believed it was better to have anyone than no one, (now I have that special “someone”, my “rock”), and I fixed my problem of my fear of being alone and be abandoned.  My “rock” helped me get over my feelings of abandonment by reassuring me whenever I needed it.  Men are not mind readers, I told my “rock” what I needed and when I needed it

Now it's time for me to take a moment for myself each and every day….. 

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. 

Apprentice Chick

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  1. This was a great post Apprentice Chick. This is something I am STILL learning throughout my life and life experiences. I still give a little more than I can handle and sometimes don't think I deserve the good things in life but I'm getting there. :)

  2. Like you, I was raised in a dysfuntional family. It left me not wanting to be in any kind of relationship. I take a stab at it from time to time and always have given more than my share. I think I have learned that being loving is not hoping your partner will need you back or depend on you. That is hoping they will be weak. It also does not mean you protect them from their self-destructive behaviors to the point that you are doing yourself harm. It is a delicate balance to be truly compassionate and loving. On the one hand you cannot be needy and wanting your partner to be needy too and on the other hand you need to care and be nuturing without being self-destructive. I liked your post.


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